Seasons
by Rider of the Whales
Summary: How do you measure a year in a life?
1. Fall

**Seasons**

"_In daylight, in sunsets, in midnights and cups of coffee_

_In inches, in miles of laughter and strife._

_In 525,600 minutes-_

_How do you measure a year in the life?"_

* * *

**I: FALL**

* * *

**Day One- September 2****nd**

You first notice him on the subway.

He sits towards the back, reading an honest-to-Farore paper magazine while all around him others busily fiddle with their cellphones and tablets. He holds himself stiff, uneasy, doing his best not to touch anyone, or have anyone touch him. The unease is a little endearing to you, if you were to admit it to yourself- nearly everyone on this section of the train is a student of one of the many universities in Lanayru, and none of them are paying the slightest bit of attention to him.

He looks a few years too old to be an incoming freshman- a transfer student, maybe? He cringes very slightly whenever the subway train rounds a corner with a screech, the noise seeming to bother him even through the earbuds he's wearing.

His clothing is neater than the average student's, you note- tan slacks, a button-down short sleeved shirt and a dark purple tie, where the median standard of apparel otherwise is long baggy t-shirts and basketball shorts.

The train rounds the corner, pulling out of the tunnel and into the warm September sunlight. Rays touch his hair, turning it to burnished gold. His violet eyes flick back and forth across the pages behind his half-rim glasses, he draws the leather briefcase behind one of his long legs closer to him when someone steps too near for his liking.

You think you may have just fallen in love, and hard.

The sway of the subway braking for the station catches you off guard. The door behind you slides open and you almost topple out, catching yourself on the sidewalk in a less-than-graceful manner.

As the subway doors swing shut once more he lifts his head from the magazine.

His eyes meet yours and you feel like you're flying.

(You bump into a nearby student trying not to look away, and in the seconds before the train pulls away you can almost swear he smiles.)

**Day 7- September 9****th**

Goddesses be praised, he goes to your university, he's in _three of your classes_- Cross-Cultural Diplomacy 294, Fencing 180, and the horrible tragedy that is Hylian History 258 at 8 in the morning on Mondays and Fridays. He's perfectly poised for the other two, but HH258 leaves him slumped in a seat not too far from you in the lecture hall, nursing a huge cup of coffee and taking lazy notes on a pad of paper.

His handwriting is immaculate.

Yours looks like a kindergartener's.

You wonder if you should ask him for penmanship lessons.

The class ends before you can work up the courage.

**Day 11- September 13****th**

You speak to him for the first time during Fencing, when he's paired up with you for practice- you're both left-handed, unlike anyone else in the class, and you spend around twenty minutes vowing to burn some incense to the Goddesses because of it.

When you finally face off against him you move in silence, right hand firmly at the small of your back, left hand easily supporting the weight of your foil. He is loose and relaxed across from you, his movements fluid and graceful as he deftly dodges under the tip of your blade, pressing his squarely to your sternum.

You back away, conceding the point, and under your faceplate you're blushing harder than you have since middle school. You barely saw him move, and you were one of the best fencers in your entire region. You put up a good fight, but despite the fact that you outweigh him by nearly twenty pounds, he trounces you thoroughly.

When the instructor finally calls the two of you apart you're panting, and you're gratified to see his chest heaving as well. He pulls his faceplate off, hair in complete disarray and glasses sitting crookedly halfway down his nose, and smiles.

"We appear to be quite well-matched," are his first words to you.

"Heh, yeah," are your first words to him, and you can barely stop yourself from cringing at how inane you must sound.

He steps forward and holds out a gloved hand, and with bated breath you take it.

"My name is Vio," he tells you, straightforward and honest. His eyes are paler under the harsh fluorescents than they were in the warmth of the sun. You haven't let go of his hand yet.

"I'm Green," you say- and, swallowing through a sudden lump of nervous confidence, continue with "Would you like to get coffee sometime?"

His eyes widen slightly in surprise before a small thoughtful smile curls the corner of his lips. "Perhaps," he says, "if you can beat me in a match before the end of the semester."

You feel like you could fly.

**Day 26- September 28****th**

He sits next to you now in the classes you share, and your heart jumps every time. You make jokes about his archaic pen-and-paper note-taking, while he mocks your reliance on recording the professors' lectures and typing the relevant info out later. Your first quizzes get returned- he does flawlessly in every subject; you crumple your HH258 papers and shove them into your bag before he can notice.

You're pretty sure he notices anyway.

You haven't been able to beat him yet, but your matches have been growing longer. He lands less hits on you; you've become fairly adept at blocking him, and yet he's still a little too quick for you to land one on him.

You spend more time than you should practicing in the gymnasium.

You're pretty sure he knows about that too.

**Day 34- October 6****th**

He tells you bits and pieces about himself every now and then, and you soak up the information like the desert soaks up rain. You learn that you were right- he is a transfer student, coming from a much smaller university in a much smaller town from the southern part of Eldin. You learn that he's getting his electives out of the way before he gets locked into a pre-law graduation path. He takes his coffee black and sweet, and hangs his glasses from his tie when he studies.

In return he asks about you, and you open up to him like you haven't for anyone else. You tell him about your vacation job at a ranch right outside of the city, and what it's like to ride a galloping horse across a grassy field. You tell him of summers spent running wild with herding dogs, and wrestling goats into submission.

You tell him about your twin brother Blue, who hasn't said a word to you since you told him you liked guys as much as girls, and he rests his hand on your shoulder in silent solidarity.

You do your best not to lean into it, and fail miserably.

He just smiles at you, warm and friendly, and buys you a candy bar from the nearest vending machine.

"Soul food," he tells you when you try to refuse it, laughing. "It does not make everything better, but it helps."

You eat it. He's right.

**Day 57- October 28****th**

You land your first hit on him three days before Halloween. He laughs loud enough that you can hear him through his faceplate and thoroughly wipes the floor with you, but you don't care at all.

It's hours before you're able to stop smiling.

**Day 64- November 4****th**

You fail your second history test in a row and can't bring yourself to go to class all day. It's cold and rainy outside; you sit in your dorm room with the lights off and watch the rain drip down the window.

When your phone rings you ignore it.

**Day 65- November 5****th**

You sleep through your alarm and wake up at noon. It's still raining; you decide you might as well skip again today.

When you check your phone you have 4 missed calls- one from your grandmother and three from Vio.

You can't bring yourself to call him back, guilt weighing heavily in your stomach. Instead you turn your phone completely off and bury yourself in your blankets again.

Someone bangs on your door around 6 in the evening, startling you into partial wakefulness, and you make a noise of complaint as you drag yourself up and over to answer it. "Whozzit," you grumble, cracking the door and peering through the opening.

Vio meets your gaze evenly from the other side. "May I come in?" he asks, voice gentle. His hair is damp, nearly bordering on wet, and the shoulders of his jacket look like they're soaked through. You shuffle backwards enough to open the door wider.

He sets a paper bag on your desk, pulling several white cartons out of it. The warm spicy scent of Gerudo take-out hits your nose; seconds after that, your stomach lets out a growl so loud Vio turns to look at you in consternation.

You shrug, not looking up from the patch of tile you're currently staring at with great intensity. Your room isn't messy, thank the Three, but you haven't shaved in two days and your hair's a mess. You don't remember the last time you ate, as your stomach is currently reminding you.

He's saying something to you- you lift your head to focus on the words.

"-was worried about you when I did not see you in class," he tells you, dividing the contents of the cartons neatly onto a couple of paper plates. "I thought you might have gotten sick, so I tracked down which dorm you resided in. I hope you do not mind," he adds hastily when you don't say a word. "But you are my friend, and friends look out for each other, do they not?"

"…I guess they do," you mumble quietly. "Never had any who would do this for me, though…"

You look up through your bangs when he doesn't respond, and find that he is looking right back at you, sadness in his eyes.

He sighs, and that's the only warning you get before he hugs you.

You spend the rest of the night watching stupid Youtube videos with him on your bed. You don't remember the last time you laughed so hard, for so long. He falls asleep briefly on your shoulder and drools a little bit onto your shirt, and you can't bring yourself to care.

When he leaves in the morning he makes you promise to let him help you with your history projects for the rest of the semester.

Of course you agree.

**Day 83- November 23****rd**

You beat him in a fencing match on the Saturday before Thanksgiving break starts, after two weeks of frustrated all-nighters and cramming for midterms.

When the timer buzzes to signal the end of the match you pull your faceplate off and _whoop_, your classmates jeering good-naturedly behind you as you perform an impromptu victory dance on the mat. Vio laughs as he watches you dance over to him, and you impulsively grab him and pull him into a twirl before dipping him low, your arm steady against his lower back to support him. He lets out a startled noise, grabbing at you, and you beam all the wider.

"So~," you waggle your eyebrows at him, your classmates and even the teacher catcalling behind you. "Coffee? Say, tomorrow? On me?"

His eyes open a little wider behind his skewed glasses. "Green, I fly back home tomorrow," he tells you chidingly. "Remember?"

You'd completely forgotten. Your heart sinks like a stone.

He laughs at your expression as you pull him back upright easily. "Don't look so downtrodden!" he chuckles, reaching over to pap your cheek lightly. "That was not a no. However, unless you wish to come to the airport with me in the morning, I will have to request a rain check."

"I can drive you there!" you say hastily, trying your best not to sound as desperate as you feel. From the way his lips quirk the slightest bit, you don't think you did a very good job.

"That will be acceptable, then," he nods to you, and you retain just enough sense to save your jubilant fist-pumping until you reach the sanctuary of your own dorm room.

**Day 84- November 24****th**

You barely sleep, spending the night tossing and turning as your mind races a mile a minute, and finally you give up and spend half an hour in the showers with the hot water pounding on your back. Vio's flight leaves in the wee hours of the morning, so sleeplessness isn't as inconvenient as it could be, but still…

You shave very carefully, but still manage to nick yourself along your jaw. You crumple a piece of toilet paper and stick it to the spot to stop the bleeding, frowning grumpily at yourself in the mirror.

Your phone trills at you, the alarm you set as your fifteen minute warning before you need to leave, and you swear and drop your razor. You'd set your clothes out beforehand so scrambling into them takes no time at all, and in under ten you're out the door.

You stop by the closest Goron coffee shop- you've noticed that 9 times out of 10 the labels on Vio's coffee cups are from this particular one- and continue on through the silent streets. No one else is up at this time of day (or would this be considered night still?) and you find it surprisingly peaceful, if a bit eerie.

When you reach his dorm you park outside and wait at the door, coffee in hand. It smells alright, you guess, but you don't really understand the appeal. That changes when he steps out, bedheaded and yawning, and gives you a smile of pure admiration when you hold the cup teasingly under his nose.

The drive to the airport is quiet. The eastern horizon gradually paints itself in shades of blue as you pull into the airport's temporary parking lot. Vio only has a small backpack with him- you graciously pull it onto your shoulder while he fumbles with his seatbelt and coffee. It is _so hard_ not to laugh at the spectacle, but somehow you manage. A brisk wind makes you shiver through your thin jacket momentarily while you're walking towards the automatic sliding doors. Vio notices and steps closer, until his shoulder is pressing against yours with every step. It doesn't provide much warmth, but the glow in your cheeks makes up for that.

Vio seems familiar with the self-service ticketing machines even when half asleep. You've never used one yourself, so you watch with interest as it spits out his boarding passes. There's still an hour and a half till his flight leaves- you buy him another coffee and indulge yourself with a hot chocolate.

The two of you end up a few levels higher than the security checkpoints, watching the sun rise through huge glass windows. Beneath you, baggage carts and planes drift back and forth across the huge concrete field, people waving directions with glowsticks twirling in their hands. Vio is snug up against you, head leaning against your shoulder. You ever so casually yawn and stretch your arms up above your head, resettling with one around Vio's shoulders.

_Smooth_, you congratulate yourself inside your head.

Vio tilts his head up to look at you, amusement in every bit of his face.

_Okay, maybe not so smooth…_

The rising sun tints his hair to burnished gold once more, turns his eyes to warm violet fire. His gaze is direct, his lips quirked upward in that perpetual near-sarcastic grin that seems to be his default expression. He turns into you more, tugging you until you're facing him completely. You swallow.

"Honestly, Green," he chuckles, voice still low and raspy from sleep. "Do I have to throw myself at you?"

You blink.

And blink again.

And then you kiss him, and beneath his smile he tastes like saccharine bitterness and smug, smug victory.


	2. Winter

**Seasons**

* * *

**II: WINTER**

* * *

**Day 91- December 1****st**

On the first of the month it snows.

The evening streetlights catch the flakes and turn them to motes of orange, brief gusts of wind sending them spiraling. The ground is too warm for there to be any build up- the snow falls, sets, and melts into the pavement.

Winter is probably your least favorite season- you don't hate it by any means but you're not fond of the cold. You do like the feeling of snowflakes brushing your cheeks, though, so you stand outside your dorm for nearly an hour enjoying the silence and the snow.

You think there's very little you'd like to see more than Vio smiling, with snowflakes caught in his hair and eyelashes.

**Day 100- December 10****th**

After class, you take Vio on your very first date (the trip to the airport doesn't count, and neither does the trip back, when you'd stood in the waiting area for an hour and a half to be met with a yawn, a brief hug, and a peck on the cheek). He's been busy studying for finals and so have you, but he always takes at least a few minutes of his day to sit and chat with you.

He's so thoughtful. You're so enamored with him, even more so now that you're allowed to touch what you once could only look at.

And touch you do.

Nothing inappropriate of course! You like to think that you're a gentleman. Just a hand on his shoulder every now and then, a touch under the elbow to help him out of his seats in HH258 when he's still groggy and tired. A peck on the cheek when you part for the night, either in front of your dorm or his- he hasn't invited you in yet, but he has a standing invitation to drop by yours whenever. He hasn't taken you up on it yet, but you hope he does soon.

Not for any specific reason! Yeah, you're a young male, your libido is through the roof, but you've been 20 years or so without any more company than your hand, you can wait.

"Lost in thought, are you?"

You stand from your slouch with a jolt, startled out of your musings. Vio stands before you, bundled into one of those monstrous puffy quilted winter parkas. His cheeks are ruddy from the cold, lips quirked up in that wonderful half-smile. His glasses are still slightly fogged.

He's gorgeous.

He's gorgeous and he's all yours.

He's- _oh._

He's leaning up and kissing you square on the lips, and it's cold and wonderful. "Hyrule to Green," he murmurs, not pulling back. "Pardon the interruption, but I believe we have plans?"

"Sorry," you laugh sheepishly, heart racing from the simple contact. You're sure you're blushing. He sees, of course he sees, and his smile only grows wider as he tucks his arm through yours.

You go out to eat. The food is alright, the company excellent. You spend half the time playing footsie under the table. You're so happy you could burst.

He kisses you goodbye outside your dorm, warm and pliable as you hold him against you. The air is cold enough that you can see your breath when you finally part.

"Stay warm," you tell him, zipping his coat up an extra half-inch. He kisses you again in response, and leaves.

**Day 108- December 18th**

The stresses of finals week leave you next to no time to see Vio, aside from a few texts exchanged a couple times a day, until you wake up at 4 AM two days before winter break and realize it could be nearly a month before you see him again.

The thought doesn't quite send you into a panic, but it does make you distinctly uncomfortable. You send him about three texts in the space of two minutes before your brain catches up and you realize what time it is.

You want to die a little of embarrassment.

Instead you bury your phone below your pillow and go back to sleep.

When someone knocks on your door 45 minutes later it startles you so much you fall out of bed. The noise of pain you make is distinctly undignified as you scrabble around on the floor, still mostly asleep and confused. When you finally make it to the door, blankets still draped around you, you're fairly shocked to see Vio.

His glasses are on crooked. He's bedheaded and sleepy-eyed. It's five in the morning.

"It's five in the morning," you say hoarsely, blinking at him.

"You texted me gibberish," he replies, holding up his phone. "I was worried."

"Mmmph," is your dignified response, as you yield to gravity and sway forward until your head hits his shoulder. He chuckles a bit and wraps his arms around your blankets. You fuzzily consider the fact that he's wearing pajama pants. "I missed you. I didn't wanna miss you. I'll miss you."

You consider that a perfectly coherent statement.

Vio, on the other hand, does not.

He backs you gently into your room, closing and locking the door behind you, and sets to unwinding the tangle of blankets from around your limbs. "What did you do, get in a fight with your bedding and lose?" he asks, an undercurrent of laughter in his voice. You just stand there and yawn, and is it you or is the floor swaying?

It's probably just you. Vio looks steady as a rock. He's always steady. You like that so much about him. You tell him so through a yawn.

He makes your bed, settling you firmly back under the covers, and it's still five in the morning. "Sorry for waking you," you say muzzily, unable to keep your eyes open more than half way.

He waves a hand as if to brush off your response, moving to pull his coat back on, and before you can stop yourself you're lifting the blankets beside you in invitation. "You don't have class," you manage to say clearly. "For a while. Afternoon. You could stay. If you want."

He stares at you for a moment, and you can see him thinking. "Too early for thinking," you grumble at him, flapping the blanket like an oversized wing. "Cold outside. Don't go."

His face softens. He smiles, and pulls his glasses off. "Move over," he tells you, and you gladly scrunch yourself against the wall.

He climbs in beside you, settling into the warm hollow you left for him, and tucks himself under your chin. You sigh happily, pulling the blankets up across his shoulders after a few tries. "Y'r so great," you slur as he settles himself closer. "The greatest."

"Go back to sleep, Green," he chuckles, voice low and rumbly, and his breath is warm against your neck. You fall back to sleep with the doofiest grin, and you don't even care.

(He wakes you up around 10 and takes you out for breakfast. You have pancakes with syrup and whipped cream, and when he asks for a bite you moosh some of the whipped cream across his nose. He shoves your face away when you lean forward as if to lick it off, but he's laughing, and you don't know if you've ever been happier.)

**Day 110- December 20****th**

You finish your last final with a sense of mild fatality. Your car is packed, suitcases tossed haphazardly across the backseat- all you have to do is take Vio to the airport once more after his last test. It's snowing once again, fat fluffy flakes that settle on the ground like a down blanket. Driving home isn't going to be very fun, you're certain.

Your years-end gift to Vio is sitting in your front seat, tucked in a lilac gift bag with no hint of what's inside. You worry that it's a little impersonal, but time ran out while you were being indecisive, so hopefully it'll be to his liking.

You wait for him outside his building, two cardboard cups of liquid warmth held tight in your hands. You sip from the one that has hot chocolate in it as you watch the antics of students around you- there's a lot of shouting and cheering going on, and an impromptu snowball fight breaks out about thirty feet away. You're sorely tempted to set the cups on the ground and join in, but a touch at your elbow makes you turn instead.

Vio looks satisfied with himself, which is always a good sign! You tell him so as you hand him his coffee cup, and he hunches over it with a happy noise. Your shoulders brush as you walk down the street towards your car.

He's taken aback by the bag in your front seat, and a look of dismay flickers across his face. "I will have to send yours to you," he apologizes, but you shush him with a finger across his lips.

"You don't have to get me anything," you shrug. "I just saw this and thought of you, and this way maybe you'll think of me!" You regret the words about half a second before they leave your lips- you really need some sort of brain to mouth filter.

Vio looks at you for a long moment, and you can't read his expression at all. Nervousness coils in your stomach. Maybe you shouldn't have gotten him something? You've never been in a relationship before, you don't know how these things work. Did you just overstep a boundary? Your free hand makes an anxious twist of the loose end of your scarf.

He takes the half empty cup out of your hands and sets it on the roof of your car with his. "Green," he says softly, sadly, and gathers you into his arms. You find yourself absurdly close to tears.

Snowflakes brush against your face as he holds you, tiny pinpricks of cold and damp. "I'm sorry," you mutter into his hair, squeezing your eyes shut. He shakes his head and shushes you immediately, squeezing you tighter. "I know it's not that long, but… I'll miss you," you say, even quieter.

He pulls away the slightest bit, just enough so he can tug you down and kiss you. His hands cup your cheeks like you're something special, something to be cherished, and it almost undoes you.

You grip his hand like a lifeline throughout the drive to the airport, only letting go when you need to turn and park. He tucks himself under your arm, warm and solid, and you squeeze him to you and wish you never had to let go.

But you do.

He kisses you goodbye, and you watch him leave with your heart in your throat.

**Day 113- December 23****rd**

You will admit that being home is nice.

Your little sister Aryll had met you at the door with a squeal and a hug that was just short of a tackle, and you were hard-pressed to not tumble backwards into the snow.

In fact, you swung her around in a circle and then tossed her into the nearest snowbank, following to scrub the powdery stuff across her hair and face while she shrieked. Your grandmother stood in the doorway laughing, one hand over her mouth, as the two of you got thoroughly soaked, and by the time you made it inside she had hot chocolate with marshmallows waiting for you on the table.

They had a tree set up already, gifts strewn beneath the branches and peppermint sticks tucked here and there among the lights. You spent the night watching movies with Aryll half in your lap, wrapped in blankets and feeling completely at peace.

You spent two days moping around the house before Aryl dragged you out to help her finish her gift shopping, and that's where you are today- stuck in the nearest shopping mall while she babbles about her schoolwork, friends, and the drama that goes with both of them.

When she pauses to take a breath you tell her about Vio, and her hands fly to her face as she makes an exaggerated gesture of shock. She buys you a celebratory soft pretzel and makes you tell her all about him. Her whole-hearted acceptance of you and your choices fills you with warmth.

In the evening, Vio calls you. You spend a very pleasant half-hour tucked in your room listening to him tell you about his flight, complain about the snow, chatter about meaningless things. He informs you that his gift to you is in the mail, and you grumble in the back of your throat. He chuckles, and tells you he misses you.

"I miss you too," you murmur, and sigh.

Before he hangs up you almost tell him that you love him.

**Day 116- December 26****th**

You finally visit Epona.

This horse is almost a cross between your baby and your sibling- you were there for her birth, raised her, was there for her training, and eventually took over it yourself. You spent every moment that you could with her while you were in middle and high school, doubly so once you and Blue had your falling-out. She's your closest companion, and you hate being so far away from her at school.

You whistle for her as soon as you step into the barn, and she neighs to you from her stall. You greet some of the other horses as you pass, but you only have eyes for your girl- you don't even bother unlatching her stall door, just vault over it so you can hug her around the neck.

She slobbers genially into your hair, and nudges you hard when she scents the carrots you're holding. You laugh and feed them to her one by one, leaning against her side the whole time. You talk to her about nothing in particular, and you swear she listens to you- Epona is smarter than a lot of people you know.

Eventually you trail off into silence, leaning your forehead against her hide. She snuffles your pockets in case you have one more hidden treat, and sighs noisily when you don't. "If I feed you any more than I already do you'll get so fat we'll have to roll you out to pasture in the spring," you tell her seriously.

She flicks her tail and dribbles a mouthful of grain onto your head.

"You're disgusting," you sigh, and hug her around the neck again.

**Day 121- December 31****st**

The smell of pancakes summons you downstairs.

Aryll's already at the table, halfway through her own breakfast, and waves cheerfully at you. You ruffle a hand through her hair, drop a kiss on your grandmother's cheek as she hands you your own plate. It's snowing again- you see about an inch and a half on the roof of your car. It's very satisfying.

"So where's Blue?" You ask as you're washing the dishes from breakfast. Aryll, who's on drying duty, sighs and ducks her head.

"He's not coming," she admits, a sad twist to her mouth. "Says he doesn't want to see-"

"Me?" you ask, unable to help the bitter note in your voice.

"Well….yeah."

"Fucks sake," you sigh, rinsing out the last mug a little more roughly than you need to. Aryll's arms come around your waist and she squeezes you tight enough to hurt. "You'd think I murdered his dog or something. It's not like I asked for this."

"He's a huge butt," she agrees, not letting go. "Is this gonna ruin the day?" Her voice is plaintive. You turn to her and hug her fully.

"Of course not," you reassure her. "He's an ass but that's his own fault. Let's go get Grandma and open some presents, alright?"

So you do.

Vio calls you in the evening, and his voice makes you warm and happy. "Thank you for the mug and the coffee," he says. "I'm surprised you found one in in such a tasteful purple, it's lovely."

"Oh, it's really nothing," you laugh a bit. "I just thought- you're such a fan of Death Mountain Brews, and you said the other week that you don't have any in your hometown, now you can have some when you're at home!"

"It was very thoughtful, and I'm deeply appreciative," he insists, and you finally give up and smile.

"You're welcome."

You talk for a few more minutes, silly inconsequential things, before he casually asks, "Did my gift to you get there in time?"

"Oh-" You haven't checked the mail at all in the past two days, caught up in the holiday celebrations, and you say as much. "Let me go outside and check."

"Yes, do," he says, and his voice is full of humor. "If not, will you call me when it does arrive? I would very much like to be as present as possible."

"Of course!" You scramble into your boots and don't even bother with a coat, the thick sweater your grandma knitted for you will do for the few minutes you'll be outside. Your breath steams in the night air as you trot the few hundred feet down the driveway.

You have to knock snow off the mailbox with the side of your hand before you can open it, and Vio snickers at your muffled noises of discomfort. There's the usual assortment of junk mail, some holiday cards from extended family, a few magazines- you shuffle through them in the dim glow of the streetlight.

"Oh, here-" A thicker card, the paper of the envelope creamy gold and heavier than normal, sticks out at you. "Should I open it out here?"

"Go inside, Green," Vio tells you, and you can almost see him shaking his head. "It can wait for three minutes or so."

"I'll make it two, just for you," you promise, and it's barely one and a half before you're settled back in your room, card in hand.

You love Vio's handwriting- it's so sleek and even compared to your own cuccu-scratch scrawls. You take your time opening the envelope, very careful not to rip it, and pull out the card inside. Before you can open the card, something slides out of the bottom to land in your lap.

"What's this-" you start to say, picking them up for a better look, and your breath catches in your throat. "Vio… are these plane tickets?"

He pauses before he speaks. "My parents travel after the holidays. I've discovered that being alone doesn't have the appeal that it used to. I miss you," he says, and those three words dissolve something in you.

You stammer through words of thanks and excitement, nearly incoherent and overemotional, until Vio begins laughing and can't stop.

**Day 140- January 20****th**

Aryll hugs you goodbye with a huge frown on her face. You kiss the top of her head and promise to keep in touch- you know she gets lonely. Your grandmother gets the same treatment as she pushes a basket full of cookies into your hands- "To share with your young man!" she tells you, and winks. You blush.

Six hours later, you pull into the parking lots outside your dorm and groan in relief. Vio isn't scheduled to be back until tomorrow, so you have the night to yourself to unpack and re-settle into your dorm.

He calls you. You chat about nothing while you think back to that wonderful week you spent with him (planes are terrible things, you have decided, and you can't understand why he keeps taking them). He catches your mind wandering, and laughs softly every time.

"I can't wait to see you again," you tell him as you're preparing to hang up.

You can hear the smile in his voice when he replies, "I can't wait to see you either."

**Day 143- January 23****rd**

When Vio meets you in your favorite café for lunch, there's someone else with him.

You straighten up in your seat a little more, surprised- the guy tagging along is about as tall as you, with pale skin and shaggy purple (_?_) hair. He's dressed in all black, and though his appearance should seem goofy he comes off as fairly menacing. Vio seems completely relaxed, though, and when he takes his seat across from you he's smiling.

"I'd like you to meet Shadow," he says, and gestures to him. You stand (no reason not to be polite) and offer a hand to shake. He takes it. His grip is almost too firm, and when he smiles there's an air of malice around him.

His canines seem overly pointy.

He sits beside Vio, tucked into his personal space, and your eyes narrow a fraction.

"So, uh," you say after a moment of awkward silence. "You guys know each other?"

"Oh, Vi and I go _waaaaay _back," Shadow says in something close to a purr, and drapes his arm over Vio's shoulder.

Before you can do more than grit your teeth, Vio punches him in the ribs. "Kindly do not give my boyfriend the impression that I'm cheating on him, if you please," he says calmly, as Shadow leans away with a mock-pained expression. "Green, Shadow is one of my closest friends. He's just transferred here, and I would appreciate it if you two were able to get along."

You hesitate, and Shadow waggles his eyebrows at you. "Don't worry," he smirks. "I don't bite. Much. Do I, Vi?" he asks, leaning back into Vio's space, and Vio punches him in the ribs again.

You're startled into a laugh.

**Day 150- January 30****th**

Vio shares only one class with you this semester, but Shadow, by some improbable twist of fate, is in _all of them._

You're trying to like him, for Vio's sake, you really are. But he makes it so Din-damned _hard._

Vio meets you outside of most of your classes, and Shadow instantly latches onto him like a rogue chuchu. His personality is overbearing- he's one of those people that doesn't care how loud he is, no matter what the setting. He flirts with almost everything that moves, including Vio.

And he's so _handsy!_

Every time you look he's touching Vio, whether it be an arm around his shoulders or waist, a hand on his wrist, grabbing onto his shirt, and one memorable time pulling Vio into his lap before class started.

Vio takes it all in stride- sometimes he allows the touches, sometimes he meets Shadow with another punch to the ribs or shoulder.

You try so hard not to be jealous.

You think you're failing miserably.

**Day 158- February 7****th**

Vio's schedule allows a lot more free time than last semester's- you take shameless advantage of this while you can.

For example- it's a Friday night, and you have Vio practically siting in your lap as the two of you watch a movie in your dorm. Vio is loose and relaxed against you, freely chuckling as the movie passes, but you can barely pay attention to the screen. How could you, with a lapful of happy Vio? You're too busy thinking of the most deliberately unsexy things you can to pay attention to anything.

But it's just so hard…

Oops.

You shift your hips back the tiniest bit, trying to minimize contact with Vio as much as possible- at least, in that particular region. It works- he doesn't seem to notice, at least- and you resettle against the wall again and plant a kiss on the side of his head. He hums and snuggles back into you.

All is well. You're even starting to forget about the ache between your legs when Vio stretches, back arching until his forehead is nearly brushing against your shoulder, and resettles.

Right against you.

You freeze, practically holding your breath, shame and arousal staining your cheeks red. You wait for him to turn around and glare at you, to say something, anything- there's no way he can't feel … _that…_pressing up against him.

Or maybe he can't? There goes another little portion of your self-esteem. Woosh.

The rest of the movie passes by both too quickly and far, _far_ too slowly. Vio keeps fidgeting in your lap, renewing your blush each time. When the credits start rolling he finally stands up. You immediately scrunch your knees together, drawing the blanket he discarded over your lap as subtly as possible.

He stretches again. Your eyes follow the smooth slim curve of his body without conscious thought. His shirt rides up the tiniest bit at the waist, exposing a sliver of winter-pale skin. You clench your knees tighter to your chest and bite your lip.

When he finally turns to look at you his grin is nothing short of wicked. "I guess I'll be heading home now," he says, and even through your haze you know your expression falls. His gaze softens, and he moves back over, tugging you to him.

He kisses you, and it turns from somewhat chaste to absolutely _filthy _faster than you can blink. He does something with his tongue- your iron control slips and a moan escapes you. You jerk back the tiniest bit, ashamed, and Vio just laughs softly and presses a kiss to your jaw. "Goodnight, Green," he murmurs in your ear, and you can't help the full-body shudder that wracks you.

"Goodnight," you mange, faintly, and he kisses you once more before leaving.

You feel like you might die a little bit inside.

**Day 164- February 13****th**

February 14th is the Gift of the Goddess Day, to celebrate the anniversary of the day Hylia defeated Demise and brought peace to Hyrule for good. It's generally seen as a day for lovers and children, and though you're not a child you definitely love someone.

You've made reservations at one of the nicest places you can find, and told Vio that you'd be taking him out to eat, and to be ready.

Two hours before your reservation he calls you, and his voice is tired. "I am so sorry, Green," he says, and he sounds so upset your shoulders tense. "I will not be able to make it to dinner tonight."

"Is everything alright?" you ask, unable to keep the worry from your voice. "Do you need me to come ov-"

"No!" he says immediately, and then more gently, "No. I am fine, and things will be fine after tonight, but something unexpected has come up and I need to take care of it."

"Well, alright," you say, biting back fierce disappointment. "Call me if you need anything at all, okay?"

"Thank you," he murmurs.

When you hang up you have a foul taste in the back of your mouth.

**Day 165- February 14****th**

Shadow doesn't show up to any of your classes. You don't care in the slightest- in fact, you're perfectly happy about it.

You're much less happy about it when you knock on Vio's door and he opens it.

Shirtless.

(Din damnit, his physique is _flawless_.)

He bares his teeth at you in what can only be called a smile by the barest of terms. "Can I help you?" he asks.

You wield the flowers and chocolate you carry as if they were a sword and shield. "Is Vio around?" you ask with forced politeness.

"Hmm…" He tilts his head, seeming to ponder the question. "Nope!" he says cheerfully. "He's gone to get us dinner."

You tighten your grip on the flower stems.

"I can take those for you if you want," he adds, his smirk growing wider. "I'll let him know you were here."

You hand them over reluctantly, and turn to leave. The door slams shut behind you.

Vio doesn't text you.

You don't sleep.

**Day 179- February 28****th**

It's been two weeks since you've spent any significant time with Vio alone- when you meet for lunch Shadow is always tagging along. You've taken to sullenly picking through whatever food you have as Shadow just talks and talks and _talks_ about nothing at all.

Vio listens politely. He reprimands Shadow less and less for getting into his personal space. You don't know what to think.

Today is the last straw. As he's talking, Shadow throws an arm around Vio's shoulder and shoots you a smug look. Vio, engrossed in a textbook of some sort, doesn't respond- or notice, it seems.

You dig your fork into your salad a little more violently than necessary. You're very carefully _not_ imagining that it's digging into Shadow's leg.

"-don't you think?" Shadow's voice breaks your concentration and you look up. He's practically in Vio's lap, his head pressed tight to Vio's as he looks over the textbook.

"Yes, yes," Vio says idly, in a way that you've learned means he's not really paying attention to what's going on, and Shadow cheers and –

Leans over and kisses his cheek.

You see red.

You're standing before you've realized what you're doing, backpack slung over your shoulder and fists clenched tight enough to hurt. Shadow's eyes narrow into very satisfied slits, and he doesn't move when Vio looks up, startled. "Green?" he asks, and you mutter something about not being hungry anymore as you grab your tray.

Though the days have been warming up, the air is still chill. The snow that looked so lovely at the beginning of the winter is ugly and gray, lumped into dirty piles along the street. Slush soaks in through the sides of your sneakers and you hiss a curse, foul mood growing even more.

You skip your last class of the day.

You ignore your phone when It vibrates.

You clutch your pillow to your chest, pull the covers over your head, and block out the world.


	3. Spring

**Seasons**

* * *

**III: SPRING**

* * *

**Day 181- March 2****nd**

You're still angry.

Not with Vio, no, never with Vio- but something in the pit of your stomach burns hot and resentful every time you recall the sight of Shadow leaning in, Vio continuing to read as if nothing at all is happening. You don't want to be _that_ person in your relationship, the clingy and jealous and anxious one, but no matter how you try to suppress it you can't shake the feeling that something is very much amiss.

Your stomach rumbles and you wrinkle your nose. You haven't been outside of your room all weekend, aside from very quick trips to the bathroom, and the odds and ends of snack food you had stashed away ran out at about noon yesterday.

You shower and shave, and nick your jaw again when you're not as careful as you could be.

Outside the wind is brisk. The cafeteria is fairly empty- you grab a tray and a couple of plates and settle into a seat as far away from the door as you can.

You brought a textbook with you- although you scraped by HH258 with a bit more than a passing grade, this semester's classes are uniformly uninteresting, especially without Vio in them to make it a little more bearable. You study while you eat, flip your textbook closed when you're finished, and head back to your room.

Vio is waiting for you outside your door.

You stop a couple dozen feet down the hall from your room, suddenly nervous. He leans against the wall, head bent, fiddling with something in his hands. Your phone, forgotten in your jacket pocket, lets out an obnoxiously loud chirrup, making both you and Vio jump.

He turns to you. You hunch your shoulders at the disappointment in his gaze. "Hey," you say when the silence gets too much, awkwardly waving your hand.

"Hello," he responds in kind, taking a few steps towards you. "You haven't been answering your phone."

"Haven't I?" You force out a laugh, gathering the hair at the nape of your neck briefly and tugging, trying to distract yourself from the uncomfortable feeling in your gut. "Sorry, I guess I've been busy or something."

"Busy or something." His voice gives away nothing as he stops in front of you. His hair is ruffled, a few steps away from unkempt. He doesn't look like he's been sleeping very well. "Are you busy now?"

"Uhh, no?" You wince at how your nerves make your answer sound like another question.

"Good." He turns on his heel, walking back to your door. "I brought a movie. Shall I order takeout as well?"

"Oh." You wince again. "I, uh, actually just came back from dinner… but feel free to send for something for yourself, I don't mind."

When the food comes he wedges you into the corner of your bed and plops himself across your lap, effectively trapping you. You don't mind- it's nice to have his undivided attention- but it's still a little while before you're able to relax enough to resettle, wind your arms around him, and sigh into his hair.

Halfway through the movie you fall asleep. When you wake up you're horizontal, tucked securely in, and Vio is curled up beside you, one arm stretching over your chest.

It's peaceful, idyllic almost, until your alarm buzzes right beside your head.

(Vio lets out a noise of complaint when you shake him gently to wake him up. He kisses you good morning, his arms warm around your neck, and the two of you go for a quick bite to eat before you have to leave for class. It feels like something's been mended .)

**Day 193- March 14****th**

By some stroke of Divine Irony, you and Shadow are paired for a group project in Plagues and Pandemics 220. He turns to you when he hears your names called together, and you can't hide the wince that crosses your face when he smirks, slow and smug.

He corners you after class, practically hovering over your seat while you pack your bag and try not to look up at him. "So, partner," he says. "When do you wanna meet up to work on this?"

_How does never sound? Does never work for you? It works pretty damn well for me. _"Thursday evenings are pretty clear for me," you say reluctantly, but he sucks a breath in between his teeth, shaking his head with mock sorrow.

"Oh, no, I can't do Thursday evenings, Vi and I have a standing dinner date," he says mournfully. "What about Friday evening? I'm pretty booked solid over the weekend."

"Fridays don't work for me," you say flatly. "When _are_ you free?"

He makes a great show of whipping out his phone and scrolling through his calendar. "Hmm, let's see- dinner with Vi on Wednesday, dinner with Vi on Tuesday, dinner with Vi on Saturday- really, the only day I'm free is Friday!" His grin is too bright, too pointed.

"I'm sure you can get one night free." You are in no mood to deal with this, and you're almost positive he can sense it, because his grin gets even more wicked.

"I couldn't just cancel," he says with a shrug. "That would be so rude."

"So you see why Fridays won't work for me then." You sling your bag over your shoulder and stand, but Shadow is between you and the door still.

"Why don't I just join the two of you?" he asks, gaze taunting, and you grit your teeth.

"Why don't _I_ just join the two of _you?_" you counter. "That'd be a hell of a lot more convenient."

He shakes his head again. "Vio _hates_ when people just join into our little twosome," he says, but his eyes are pointed, mocking.

"Then I guess we're at a standstill then." You're so done with him. Everyone else is gone- you vault over the back of the seat in front of you to get into the next aisle and make your escape, Shadow's low chuckles echoing in the empty room behind you.

Vio texts you later that night- _I hear you and Shadow are working on a project together?_

**_Yeah,_** you reply.

_He says he needs to work with you Friday night._

**_What? No, Friday's our night, isn't it?_**

_Schoolwork takes precedence, Green._

You throw your phone into the mattress in disgust.

**Day 208- March 29****th**

Vi's taken to sleeping over after date nights, which you're completely fine with! Waking up next to him just makes your whole day.

He's sprawled half on top of you this morning, arm around your chest, thigh wedged squarely between your legs, and you're morning-hard and too cozy to want to do much about it. But then he shifts his weight, letting out a sleepy mumble and pressing down a lot more firmly, and you let out a noise before you can help yourself.

He stills. His head tilts up, and he presses a kiss somewhere in the vicinity of your jaw, and shifts so he's on top of you fully.

You suck in a breath as he moves against you, your head fuzzy with sleep and comfort and pleasure, and your hands come up to pat at his shoulders, settle along the dip of his waist. He settles his elbows to either side of your head, leans down and kisses you, bears down against you and you throw your head back into your pillow.

He moves, slow and lazy, resting his forehead against yours, and even through two layers of fabric you can feel him against you, and the thought feels like a punch straight to your hormones, you're already leaking, it feels like there's not enough air in the room-

Vio's phone rings where he set it on the table last night, and he stills.

"Noo," you whine, fingers gently sliding up and down his ribs, and he shushes you, kisses you again, rolls his hips and you _arch_, you're _close_-

It rings again, going through the full tone. And again after that, and Vio muffles a curse into your shoulder and _gets off of you_ and this is the most terrible thing to happen in the history of things that have ever happened. You groan and roll onto your stomach.

Someone pounds on your door. "Three's _sake,_" you moan, pulling your pillow over your head. "Go _away_, we don't _want_ any."

Vio chuckles. The bed dips slightly, and he plants a kiss at the base of your neck. You roll over and pull him back to you, kiss him as thoroughly as you can, and he kisses back, slides his hands under your shirt, wiggles against you and you swallow a whine, and whoever it is starts _knocking again_.

"Fine, I'm coming!" You yell, irritated beyond belief, and Vio snickers an "oh, really?" into your shoulder. "Well, I _would _be if people weren't _assholes,_" you mutter. You carefully move out from underneath him, blushing a bit at how obviously your boxers tent- and let out a very unmanly "eep!" when Vio smacks your butt as you pass. You pull on your robe, belt it thoroughly around your waist, and crack the door open.

Shadow stands there. You shut the door in his face and turn to go back to bed.

"Hey, don't be an asshole!" He pounds again, and you see Vio sit upright from where he'd been snuggled back down into the covers. You roll your eyes as you open it again. "Is Vio here?"

"Maybe," you say thoughtfully. "Maybe not. Maybe go fuck yourself, it's-" you check the clock in the hallway. "It's 8 AM on a Saturday, what the hell is your problem?"

"My_ problem,_" he hisses, "is that I need to talk to _Vio,_ not some loathsome shithead he happens to be shacked up with for reasons I have no ability to understand. Now where is he."

"I'm right here, Shadow," he calls from inside. "Calm down."

Shadow tries to _barge right past you into your room._

You slam the door on his foot.

He yelps and hops backwards, and if looks could kill you'd be dead by now. Of course, if looks could kill, he'd have been dead weeks ago. "What is your_malfunction?_" he yells.

"_My _malfunction? This is _my _room!" you snap right back.

"Shadow, Green," Vio snaps from right behind you. You turn to look- he's getting dressed, and your mood plummets. "Enough, already. Shadow, I thought I told you not to call me until ten in the morning, at the _very_ earliest." Your only consolation is that he sounds like he's in as bad of a mood as you are.

"Yeah, but this is important," he insists, trying to duck below your arm. You nearly slam the door on his foot again.

Vio sighs, a long gust of air, and says, "I'll be right out." He reaches past you and pushes the door shut on Shadow's face of triumph.

You're at a loss for words. "But," you start, and aren't able to finish.

Vio looks at you with genuine regret. "I'm sorry," he says, and backs you up against the door to kiss you senseless. Once you're panting again, your interest very much revived, he pulls back away. "I will make it up to you," he promises. "Alright?"

You grumble in the back of your throat. He kisses you again and slides past you, through the door. "I will text you later," he calls back.

When you're sure he's gone, you flop back into bed and scream bloody murder into your pillow.

**Day 218- April 8****th**

You pull Shadow aside after P&P220.

"Look," you say, trying to keep a rein on your temper. "I get that you're like his super-best friend or something, but this is getting ridiculous. Can you stop?"

"Stop what?" he asks, tilting his head and smirking at you.

"Stop inviting yourself along to our dates. Stop dropping by when we're eating dinner together, stop hanging all over him, stop _kissing _him. Just…._stop_ already, alright?"

His smirk fades. His eyes narrow. He steps forward into your personal space a bit, and you hold your ground, jaw clenched. "Listen up, because I'm only gonna tell you this once," he says in a low voice, getting even further into your personal space. "Vio was mine before he was ever yours."

"You don't think I don't know that?" you ask, exasperation and frustration mixing in your voice. "What, are you jealous of the time we spend together or something?"

He scoffs. "You're not listening."

"No, I don't think _you're_ listening," you snap. "This past Saturday was the third time in a row you've come banging on my door at 8 in the morning, what the actual hell."

"I know more about him than you ever could, or ever will," he says, his voice suddenly cold. "When you're gone I'll still be there by his side. Don't think you can get rid of me that easily."

"I'm not _trying_ to get rid of you!" you yell, at wit's end. "I just want some time alone with my boyfriend, for Din's sake!"

"We all want things, Green," he says. "Too bad we can't always get them!"

He turns and leaves. You find him outside hanging off of Vio's shoulder. The only thing that makes you feel better is Vio's prompt punch to his ribs and subsequent "Hello" and hug for you. You smirk at him over Vio's shoulder, planting a kiss on the side of his face. Shadow flips you off, and his eyes are red and unfathomable.

**Day 221- April 11****th**

Shadow practically bangs down your door while you and Vio are in the middle of a very promising make-out session. Vio listens to what he has to say, apologizes to you, and leaves with him.

**Day 224- April 14****th**

You sit next to Vio at lunch instead of across from him, in order to prevent Shadow from doing so when he (inevitably, you've come to fear) shows up to join the two of you. You get up to get another plate of mashed potatoes and corn, and when you return Shadow's taken your spot. Vio doesn't seem to care. You sit where Shadow was with resentment burning strong in your stomach.

**Day 228- April 18****th**

When the knock comes this time Vio hisses his displeasure into your neck- he's tight up against you, rocking his hips into yours with an urgency you haven't seen in him before. Even with the clothes still between you you can feel how warm he is, and when he bites into your neck, sucking hard enough to leave a mark, you groan.

He shudders against you at that, stilling momentarily. In the silence that follows you take a deep breath, ready to pour your heart out to him- you get as far as "Vio, I-" before the knock comes, and both of you swear.

"Can't we just ignore him?" you ask, trying to tamp the desperation in your tone. "_Please?_"

You see frustration in his face when he pulls away. "He'll just keep knocking," he mutters low in his throat, hoarse. "I am going to have to have a talk with him."

"Right now?" Your fists clench underneath the blankets.

"Now would be best, yes," he admits and something inside of you twists tight. He clambers off you, shifting himself into presentable order, and you growl something even you don't understand and pull the covers over your head.

He leans over you, you can feel the bed dip, but you're too frustrated and humiliated to look at him. He sighs and kisses your hair where it pokes out of the covers. "I will see you tomorrow," he murmurs. You mutter something back.

He leaves.

He always leaves.

You're so tired of this.

**Day 257- May 17****th**

Your heart is light as you plod up the stairs to Vio's dorm room. Between finals prep and Shadow's interference you haven't been able to be with him very much over the past month- your time together has been in public spaces, quick shared kisses when you bring him a cup of coffee, moments stolen with your head on his shoulder as he helps you study in the library, one glorious evening where you managed to get him to yourself long enough to watch a movie and cuddle.

Shadow has been a constant pestilence- he's just _always around_ now, to the point where even Vio snaps at him occasionally when he gets too close. You can't help but preen a bit when that happens.

Today is the last day of finals- you actually finished yours the day before, and have been packing and cleaning ever since. Vio texted you yesterday evening to come over and spend one last day with him before the summer break, and while you're not looking forward to such a long timespan without him, you're grateful that you'll get this one day with him, free of interruptions, free of Shadow!

Vio's door is cracked just a little bit, and you pause, hesitant to just barge in.

You hear voices inside.

"Be careful with that!" Vio snaps, and the other person- you nudge the door open a little more- it's Shadow, of _course_ it's Shadow- laughs.

"It's fine, Vi, look, not a scratch," he says. You nudge the door open a little more- it looks like Vio is doing some packing of his own. Shadow stands behind him, leaning on his desk and smiling upwards. You realize your fists are clenching and try to relax them.

"Look, Vi," Shadow says, his tone abruptly serious. "I worry about you, alright? I don't like him."

"Of course you don't," Vio snorts. "You can't stand anyone who takes up more of my time than you."

"Exactly!" Shadow looks satisfied. "You should get rid of him. Then it'll be just you and me again, like old times!"

Vio punches him in the shoulder and Shadow skitters backwards, laughing. "The old times were terrible," Vio says icily. "You are the only one who refuses to remember that."

"Aw c'mon, Vi, don't be like that!" Shadow swoops in, traps Vio against the desk. Vio rolls his eyes and sighs, but doesn't move.

"Shadow, we are over and done," Vio says, soft and almost wistful. "The past is in the past." Shadow just chuckles, leaning over him, cupping his face.

"I love you, you know," you hear him say as he leans over Vio, and the words hit you like a blow straight to the gut.

"I know," Vio says, and his voice is so affectionate, so open, it feels like razor wire slicing you open from the inside.

Shadow leans just that little bit closer, and you can't take it anymore. "I hope I'm not interrupting anything," you say acidly, letting the door close behind you with a loud bang. Vio's shoulders jolt; Shadow jumps backwards like he's on fire, surprise in every line of his body.

"You're early," Vio says, pulling his glasses off and cleaning them on his shirt. His movements are jerky, as if he's nervous about something.

"No, actually, I'm on time," you reply, unable to get the harsh tone out of your voice. "11:30, like you texted me. I might even have been a little too late, huh?"

"What are you talking about?" Vio frowns at you, sliding the glasses back onto his face.

You laugh, once. "What am I _talking _about?" you repeat. "You're really asking me that? When I walk in to see you being practically bent over the table by another guy?" You take another few steps into the room. The muscles at your neck and shoulders are so tight they ache. "We need to talk, Vio."

His brows furrow. "Then talk."

"_Alone,_" you add, with a pointed look at Shadow, who just waggles his eyebrows back at you. It lights a spark inside of you, something bright and blazing and full of anger and pain.

"Shadow can hear whatever you have to say," Vio says, and you snap.

"Fine! Of course he can, he's your other half, isn't he?" you say, and the emotions in your voice cause the two of them to draw a little closer together. You see it, and it kills you, the wires in your gut tightening a little more vigorously. "What exactly are you getting out of this relationship, Vio? Are we even dating anymore?"

"Green?" You've never seen him like this, brow furrowed, fists clenched. He looks small, standing beside Shadow, who drapes an arm around him protectively. It only makes you burn all the more.

"I don't know what you _want_ from me anymore!" Your voice, forcedly calm, cracks. You dig your fingernails into your palms to try and keep from exploding. "I don't know what I am to you anymore! Ever since _he_ showed up there's been this divide between the two of us-"

"A divide of your own making," he snaps back, arms crossed defensively. "Shadow has done nothing but try to make friends-"

"Is that what it's been? Because _clearly_ it's been working, he's been getting so _friendly_ with you-"

"What Shadow is to me has _no bearing _on this conversation, Green-"

"No!" You shout. "No, it has _every_ bearing on this conversation! Because from where I'm standing, it pretty much looks like the two of you have been _fucking _behind my _back_ for _months!_"

"Woah, woah-" Shadow raises his arm, confusion flickering across his face. "Wait a minute-"

"You _shut the fuck up,_" you hiss. "You have _no right _to be a part of this conversation-"

"He has _every_ right to be a part of this conversation, with these baseless accusations you're throwing at us!"

"_Baseless?_" You stare at him, astonished, rage burning hatefully in the pit of your stomach. "He's constantly touching you, hanging around here shirtless and even _pantsless _sometimes, and ever since he transferred here you've asked me not to come over without calling you first? I practically walked in on the two of you kissing right now! How in the name of _Farore_ is any of this _baseless?_"

You see the anger in his face start to change, morph into a confusion twin to that still on Shadow's, but you can't stop. "I have watched the two of you for_months-_ he _hangs_ off of you every minute he can, he's interrupted us more times than I can count, and you just let it happen! You coddle him and say 'Oh no, Shadow, I'm never too busy for you!', but when I try to see you spontaneously you just brush me off!"

They're staring at you, side by side, and it just fuels your anger and your jealousy and your grief until it feels like you're going to choke on it. "I'm _tired_ of this!" You say, and your voice cracks again. "I'm tired of being shunted aside, Vio, I'm so sick and _tired _of playing second fiddle to someone who 'knows more about you' than I apparently ever could." Out of the corner of your eye you see Shadow flinch back, as if your words were physical. "I'm tired of all the cancellations and the missed dates and of having to practically _schedule time_ if I want to see my own boyfriend!"

You're shaking. You blink back the tears that threaten to escape roughly.

"I love you," you choke out, and the words burn in your throat. This was never how it was supposed to happen. "I love you, I love making you smile, I love seeing you _happy_, but I can't do this- if I'm not-" Your voice breaks, and you take a deep breath. "If he's the one that makes you happy, if you being with him makes you happy, then…" You can't finish. You make a sweeping motion between them, and turn to face the door. "I hope you're happy together."

When Shadow moves to grab your arm as you pass him you brush it away violently. "You _won,_ you asshole," you say, unable to look at him. "What else do you want from me?"

You don't stick around to find out.


	4. Summer

**Seasons**

* * *

**IV: Summer**

* * *

You wake up and realize you don't know what month it is.

The sun is hot and bright and you're shirtless before 9 AM- herding a couple hundred headstrong Ordon goats from pasture to pasture is no light work. Epona tosses her head, shifting beneath you as a couple of your herding dogs gather to sit in the shade she provides. They pant as you watch them, tails sweeping across the cropped grass a few times when they notice.

The air is still and hazy. Far in the distance, towards the Eldin mountains, you see thunderheads brewing.

A goat trots past you and bleats, and you spur Epona into motion once more.

Aryll brings you lunch when the sun reaches the peak of the sky, and you reach for the water bottle she holds out before you say a word. "You're welcome!" She mock-pouts at you. You grab her with one arm and drag her into a damp, sweaty hug, ignoring her shrieks as you finish chugging the water. Only then do you let her go, and she immediately moves out of your reach, laughing.

"Big brother, that was disgusting!" she complains, swatting you on the shoulder when the two of you settle into the shade of the nearest tree. "See if I bring you lunch for the rest of the week!"

You shrug, eyes on the dark clouds hovering ominously along the horizon. "The house is only ten minutes away at a trot, Aryll, you just don't like eating in the kitchen with the rest of the sweaty farm workers." You raise an eyebrow halfheartedly at her. "What, buff shirtless guys not doing it for you nowadays?"

"Green!" she screeches, and your lips quirk the slightest bit as you dig in to your meal.

The silence is comfortable until Aryll starts fidgeting in that way that means she has something to say and you're nearly guaranteed to not like it. You sigh, put down the uneaten half of sandwich and fix her with (what you hope is) an unimpressed stare. "Just spit it out already," you grumble, and she tugs at her hair.

"Blue is here, and he has friends over," she says slowly, and pauses. You shrug- what Blue does with his time is none of your business, even if he has been making little overtures of reconciliation over the weeks you've been back from school. You haven't been spurning them outright, but you haven't been able to stay in the same room as him for longer than ten minutes at a time either. "Sorry, I said that wrong," Aryll backtracks, catching your attention once more. "Blue has his _boyfriend_ and a friend over."

Your sandwich is promptly forgotten.

"You're kidding me, right?" You stare at her intently, just shy of a glare. Aryll cringes a bit, and you look away, mood rapidly souring.

Blue. Homophobic, trigger-happy Blue, who'd refused to speak to you for _years_ after you'd confided your biggest secret to him, who'd cut you out of his life entirely for something you couldn't even control, who hadn't so much as _looked_ at you until a few weeks ago-has a significant other, a _same-gender_ significant other.

You have so many conflicting emotions you think you might throw up.

"I'm gonna punch his face in," you finally settle on saying, slightly impressed at how calm your voice is. Your hands tremble where they lay in your lap, clenched into fists.

"Green, no!" Aryll grabs your wrist, even though you've made no move to get up. "He wanted to introduce the two of you today! And he brought V- um, someone else along too, so you _have_ to be nice, okay?" She's nearly wiggled her way into your lap at this point, staring up at you with wide, sad eyes.

You mutter something under your throat and turn your head away, but the damage has already been done- Aryll's been able to manipulate you with that face since she was two and you were the only one who could reach the cookie jar. "Fine, whatever," you mumble, staring resolutely at the approaching clouds. A gust of hot wind sweeps over the grass as she cheers.

"They'll be over in just a few minutes then!" she tells you happily, and you drop your head into your hand and rub your temples. The air blows your hair around your face and brings the sound of annoyed bleating to your ears. Your goats are getting impatient to be moving again. Oh no, it looks like you won't be able to see Blue and company after all. What a shame.

You say as much to Aryll and she glares up at you, hands on her hips. "You can't run away forever, Green!" she chides, jabbing a finger into your sternum hard enough to make you wince.

"Watch me," you say flatly, and whistle for Epona. Before Aryll can say anything more, you're galloping away.

Hours pass. You're sweaty and exhausted and the clouds are nearly boiling in the sky. The humidity and pressure in the air is making the goats skittish, hyperaware and hyper-reactive to your every movement. You're trying to get them through the last gate between them and the barn, but with only one person and a couple of dogs to gather strays, the goats are slowly but surely gaining the upper hand. Epona nearly dances under you as you guide her in convoluted loops back and forth across the pasture, your dogs flanking the edges of the herd to make sure none escape the perimeter you've set up, but even that isn't enough.

Epona misses a step, stumbling on a loose rock in the field, and a group of the youngest bucks take the opportunity to dash past you, more of the larger group following. You swear and tug on Epona's reins a little harder than you have to and she whinnies in protest but rears and turns to go after them.

"HYAH!"

A buckskin horse canters past you, halting the small group's process. You catch a glimpse of blond hair and broad shoulders before whoever's riding shoots past you, startling the goats into turning back into the main group. Not one to let opportunity pass, you stand in your stirrups, cupping your mouth to holler to your dogs. Between the four of you the goats know they're outmatched, and they slowly begin to funnel into the penultimate pasture area. The buckskin rider heads through the gate first, scattering the herd back away from the opening, and you pass through as well, leaning down to swing it shut.

A whoop comes from behind you and you pause. Aryll rides up alongside you, pumping her fist in the air as she slips through the gap. You latch the gate and turn Epona alongside her, taking the water bottle she hands you and draining half of it in one long gulp. You dump the rest over your head, shaking it through your hair in an effort to cool you down somewhat. Someone is riding behind her, but you barely spare a glance before turning your gaze back to your benefactor.

It's Blue.

He smirks at you- no, _smiles_, you haven't seen a genuine smile on his face in years- as he trots up beside you, he and Aryll effectively boxing you in. He has a passenger as well- small, blond, wearing an expression of wild-eyed excitement, clinging to him hard enough that you can see the whiteness of his knuckles from here.

You duck your head, uncomfortable at Blue's sudden scrutiny, and turn to look at the rider behind Aryll.

Your stomach plummets.

It's Vio.

His glasses are askew, his hair is wind-ruffled, and he sits like a sack of potatoes. Scratch that, a sack of potatoes might be easier to ride with- you see how careful he is to keep a respectful distance between Aryll and himself and despite the conflicting feelings in your gut it warms your heart just the tiniest bit. It says something about Aryll's riding skills that he's still on, though- it looks like he'd be tumbling backwards with the slightest jolt.

He meets your gaze with sheepish calm, settling his glasses a bit more firmly on his face and opening his mouth to say something. Your attention is promptly distracted by Blue running his horse directly into yours, causing Epona to make an offended noise and you to lurch dangerously in the saddle.

"Been a while since we wrangled together!" he grins at you, and your words catch in your throat. You manage to respond with an awkward, hesitant nod, which only makes him beam all the wider. "Thought you could use a hand- the storm's coming in a lot quicker than forecast." Thunder rumbles as if in agreement a lot closer than you care for.

"…Yeah," you say after a moment's pause. "That'd be great, thanks." You turn to Aryll and raise an eyebrow, and she shakes her head with a laugh.

"I wouldn't be any help!" she gestures, and Vio wobbles dangerously as her horse sidesteps. He looks miserable, so precariously balanced, you almost reach out to steady him but abort the motion immediately.

"So what's the plan?" Blue asks, leaning a bit closer as the wind rises. A drop of moisture hits your nose and you grimace.

"Take the left side. The dogs'll be able to hold the back, we just need to get them into the barn so that we don't have any more issues with rogue goats busting through the fences." You nudge Epona out through the other two horses, turning her in a tight circle until you're facing the other two. "Aryll, if you could just hang back and holler to me if you see any strays making a run for it?"

"Sure thing, big bro-_eeek_!"

Thunder cracks like a whip above your heads and Aryll's horse rears, dumping Vio off into the grass before taking off headlong. Blue lets out a shout and you make a noise of dismay, dropping the rains and nearly flinging yourself off Epona's back. Vio is already sitting up, though, one hand to the back of his head and a bemused expression on his face. The grass is thick and soft here, almost as good as a cushion.

"Are you alright?" are your first words to him, and you regret how inane you sound as soon as you've spoken. He nods and takes the hand you automatically offer, hoisting himself up. His touch lingers, fingertips resting against the hollow of your wrist.

"I'm sorry," are his first words to you, and they hit you like down pillows driven with the force of sledgehammers. Something inside you didn't know was tensed relaxes abruptly, while the rest of you freezes up. He steps closer to you and it's simultaneously the best and worse thing ever, you've missed him (_goddesses, _you've missed him) but at the same time he hurt you, and you're still not over it .

You look around for Aryll quickly- her horse is already two pastures over and headed straight back for the house. Aryll's almost as good a rider as you are, you're not that worried. Unless her horse trips and breaks a leg and she's caught all alone out there…

You're almost relieved when Blue and his mysterious tagalong ride around Epona. "Hate to interrupt," he interrupts, clearly _not _hating it, "but we really should be getting a move on."

The sky chooses that moment to dump about the amount of water it would take to fill Lake Hylia onto you. You're instantly drenched, and it's almost worth it to see Vio's baffled expression. "Storms hit quick on the plains," you tell him, turning back to hoist yourself onto Epona's back once more. It takes a moment more before you're able to say, "Come on, give me your hand."

At least he mounts better than a sack of potatoes. He keeps the same polite distance he had between himself and Aryll, and you grumble in the back of your throat. "That's not gonna work for the kind of riding we're gonna be doing, Vi," you tell him, and grab his arms to yank him forward.

The yelp he smothers against the back of your neck sends heat pooling down into your stomach. You resolutely ignore it.

"Keep as close to me as you can," you call back to him- the rain is falling even heavier now, if that's even possible, and thunder rumbles ominously in bass counterpoint. "Arms around my waist, hold on as tight as you can, don't let your butt leave the saddle if you can manage it."

He nods, and the feel of his hair brushing against your skin is heart-wrenchingly familiar. Blue hollers something unintelligible at you through the rain. You spur Epona forward.

Everything is muddy, and visibility is near zero, but you and Blue have always worked seamlessly together. The rain is cold, slicking your hair down into your eyes and soaking into your pants. Vio is warm against your back, arms locked around your waist. His chin is hooked over your shoulder, and every now and then you think he hums, but you can't hear it over the thunder and the rain. Goats bleat unhappily around you, your shaggy dogs little more than blurs of mud and soggy fur as they herd the edges of the ragtag group towards the warm glow of the barn door.

The last goat files in obediently. Epona shuffles inside, and Blue pulls the doors closed. The storm's fury is muted, and the air becomes still.

You shlepp yourself down off of Epona, reaching up automatically to help Vio down as well. He fumbles the dismount, nearly capsizing face-first onto the floor, but redirects into your chest. Blue snickers, his guest giggling as well, and you set Vio carefully on his feet before starting to pull Epona's tack off. Your girl's done well today, you think to yourself with a fond smile, and resolve to bring her at _least_ a pound of carrots, maybe more.

Somehow without your noticing you and Blue have become sandwiched between your respective horses while you towel them down. You bend to give the dogs a quick wipe down as well- one shakes all over you, the ungrateful brute, and the other just lets his tongue loll out in a silly doggy grin. Properly dried, they take off to guard the goats from the main aisle of the barn.

Blue grins at you again- you blink, still finding the expression odd on a face that you've only seen frowning for months and months. "Pretty bad out there," he says idly, giving his horse a final wipe before coming over to stand by you. "Don't think it's gonna be letting up anytime soon, we might be stuck here for a while."

Lovely. You focus on detangling a few burrs that seem to have gotten stuck in Epona's mane.

Blue sighs and scuffles his feet beside you. "Hey…" he says, uncharacteristically quiet. "I have some things to apologize for."

"Damn straight you do," you mutter. He snorts and punches you in the shoulder.

"Seriously. Finish that up and meet me over in the hay fort we built a couple years ago, alright?" He moves to leave, but turns back at the last second. "But first- oi, featherbrain!" he calls, and his errant guest comes barreling over from where he'd been admiring a particularly robust goat. "Green, this is Red, my boyfriend," he says with no trace of hesitation.

Red beams and extends a hand to you. Standing on flat ground he barely comes up to your shoulder. His face is bright and optimistic- he's almost painfully transparent, completely easy to read, just what your obtuse blockhead of a twin needs. "Hi!" he chirps. "I'm really happy to meet you! Blue's told me such great things about you!"

You give Blue the stinkeye. He shrugs and scratches the back of his head.

You suppose turnabout is fair play, and turn back to see Vio still standing next to Epona. You invite him over with a small jerk of the head and a tilt of your shoulder. He nods and steps forward, shoes crunching on the dry chaff scattered across the floor.

You realize then that you don't know what he is to you anymore, or what you are to him. He solves your dilemma by nudging you aside with a hip and extending his hand first to Blue, then to Red. "I am Vio," he tells them quietly. "It is a pleasure to meet you as well."

Red latches onto him immediately, pulling him off to the side to babble at him (or so you assume, he talks about a mile a minute and you can barely parse any of it). Vio shoots you a long, inscrutable look over the top of his head, one that you assume means you'll be having a nice long talk later.

After your nice long talk with Blue, of course.

Your shoulders sag a bit in defeat as you follow your brother to the far corner of the barn.

He apologizes. Once, twice, three times.

_I was always jealous of you_, he says. _You were just so chill about everything. When you told me I was just so angry that you could say it so openly._

He knew he was gay before the two of you hit puberty. He never told you, left you to flounder through discovering your sexuality on your own. The crowds he ran with were never the type to accept things, so he stayed quiet, kept it hidden.

_I hated you for a while,_ he says. _I don't anymore._

He managed to break away from them during his freshman year of college, the year you'd seen hide nor hair of him. He did a lot of stupid things and got kicked out, took a semester off to get his head in order, then went back to a public university closer to home. That's where he met Red.

_I got lucky,_ he says. _I still don't know why he puts up with me._

Red wormed his way into his life, somehow- when Blue met him he was actually dating this sprightly blond chick named Zelda Nohansen. They'd both drawn you into their friend group, and Blue had finally learned what it was like to have friends who weren't actually assholes.

When Red and Zelda decided their interests laid in separate directions Red came to Blue first. It had taken Blue about a month and a half after that to realize he was being wooed, but when he did he panicked a bit.

_I was such a little shit,_ he says. _I had no idea what to do._

Red was persistent, chipping his way through Blue's armor, always supportive, always _there_. He finally broke through just after winter break- it had taken Red dragging him out for a Gift of the Goddess Day dinner and making Blue walk him back to his dorm. Blue had been barely able to eat, almost nauseous with anticipation of what he was about to do- and when Red had stopped outside his dorm Blue had swallowed, leaned down, and kissed him.

The rest was easy, after that. Zelda was whole-heartedly supportive- Blue found out later that she had helped organize the whole thing. All of their friends were happy for them, and with Red at his side Blue couldn't understand why he'd been so scared.

_I'm sorry_, he says. _Can you forgive me?_

You punch his shoulder hard enough to bruise, then hug him tightly. He hugs you back.

When the two of you return to the main aisle of the barn, you see Red and Vio sitting cross legged on an old horse blanket, clearly deep in discussion about something or other. Blue clears his throat meaningfully- Red looks up and _beams_, and the devotion on his face makes your stomach twist. You looked at Vio that way once.

Lightning flashes outside, with a loud boom of thunder rattling the windows in their ill-fitting frames. "This isn't gonna let up anytime soon," Blue mutters, eyeing the ceiling.

"It's almost dark, anyway," you say back, sighing. You would have liked a shirt if you were going to be spending the evening in a barn with your once-estranged twin brother, his boyfriend, and the person who put some serious cracks in your heart. "There should be a bunch of blankets and stuff above Epona's stall, I've spent a couple nights in here with her before. I'll go grab them- you two can have the hay fort."

"Thanks," Blue grins at you and slings an arm over your shoulder. "What about you and him? What's goin' on with you two?"

You laugh without humor. "Ask him. I have no clue what he's doing here." You shrug out from under Blue's arm, skirting around the blanket and moving to dig in Epona's saddlebags. You always keep some food in them for the days when you do spend the night sleeping over Epona's stall, comforted by her breathing, the swish of her tail, the sound the sawdust that lines her pen makes when she steps on it. It's not much- packets of crackers, sunflower seeds, a melted and half-solidified candybar, a big bag of trail mix- but it's something, and the barn has spigots for fresh water everywhere. You bring the food stash over to the blanket, letting it drop into the center. "It's not the best of dinners but it'll have to do," you say. "The storm is too bad to get back to the house tonight."

"Oh, thanks!" Red grins at you happily, leaning into Blue when he settles down beside him.

"Blue can show you where the water is when you want some." You snag a packet of crackers and head over to Epona's stall, slipping inside. You're starving, you've been out since daybreak, but you don't think you can eat much. Instead you lean heavily against her side, burying your face in damp hide and horsehair.

You've been drifting ever since you came back home from school, and you know your grandmother and Aryll have noticed. You barely came out of your room for the first week, ignoring their gentle questions and their concern. You ate sparsely, sleeping for hours and hours on end before your funk withdrew far enough for you to get the motivation to go visit Epona in the middle of the night.

You cried in her stall more than once, curled up against her reassuringly solid body, while she snuffed at your hair and clothes, whickering softly every now and then. When you finally got the motivation to go back to work you threw yourself into it, exhausting yourself every day so you'd be able to sleep through the night. You don't know how long you've been in this state, but you think the events of today might have broken you out of it.

You're not sure if you're thankful or not.

Epona looks up from her feed and snorts. You look up too, after a moment, and see Vio leaning there, chin resting on the arm folded across the stall door. "You're a hard man to track down," he says after a moment, the fingers of his dangling arm tapping out an irregular rhythm on the rough wood. You shrug, wordless, and drop your gaze to the floor.

"What are you doing here?" you manage to say after a long stretch of uncomfortable silence.

"I've been trying to get in contact with you for weeks," he says.

"Why?" you repeat. You can feel your chest getting tight again, pins and needles racing along your palms. You don't want to go through this again, it hurt enough the first time. Epona nudges her head into you hard like the world's largest dog and you catch her bridle, scratch the soft spots along her jaw and chin until she blows air forcefully from her nostrils.

"Because," he says slowly. "I believe I have some explanations to provide, and some forgiveness to ask. May we talk?"

You swallow drily. "…sure." Epona nudges you again much more gently, almost encouragingly. You kiss the side of her face as you move forward, vaulting over the stable door and brushing the horsehair from your palms and still-soaked pants. You take a look around- Blue and Red are still on the blanket in the aisle, eating and laughing. "Give me your hand, I'll give you a boost."

"A boost where?" he frowns.

"Above Epona's stall. There's a big space up there, I stay there sometimes. There's already blankets- it'll be a little stuffy but there's a window we can crack."

Under your direction he balances his palms carefully on Epona's stall door as you heft him up around the waist. He's lighter than you remember- or is it just that you've never picked him up before? When he grabs onto the ledge above you let go, only to brace yourself under his feet and help him heave himself upwards. He rolls further onto the safety of the ledge with a huff, leaning down to offer you a hand. You wave him off, jumping to catch the ledge with your fingertips and pulling yourself up with sheer strength of will.

You're both quiet as you catch your breath.

Then he begins.

He apologizes. Five, six, seven times.

_My view of relationships has never been healthy, _he says. _That was no reason to put you through what I did to you._

He tells you of his broken home, of endless nights of listening to his parents fight, of growing up to learn that if you loved someone you had to hurt them, to see if they'd come back to you. He tells you of two young boys who had no one else to turn to but each other, who blurred the lines of friendship and family and love until neither knew what they were aside from _themselves_.

_All we had was each other,_ he says. _It took me far too long to realize that didn't need to be the case anymore._

They slept together for the first time when they were sixteen. Vio immediately recognized it as a mistake, regretted it, but didn't feel like he could cut his ties with Shadow completely. Shadow was his best friend, his anchor, his escape route. He let things escalate, until they graduated- Vio went off to a prestigious university on full scholarship, and Shadow stayed behind, settling for a lesser college.

_We were too codependent,_ he says. _I knew it would result in terrible things farther down the road._

Vio met Vaati a month into his freshman year of university. Tall, svelte, charismatic, he captured Vio's attention almost immediately, and to Vio's shame he fell for every word. Two more months and they were dating- Vio stayed with him for winter break instead of going back home to see his family and Shadow.

_That is when much of the trouble began coming to light,_ he says. _I wish I could have known._

Things changed. Vaati began demanding more of his attention, more of his time. It progressed to the point where Vio was not allowed to make phone calls or use the internet without Vaati's supervision- "I don't want anyone to steal you away from me," he would say when Vio confronted him. "You are mine, and mine alone."

Shadow came to visit in the spring. He saw Vio walking with Vaati and did what he would have at any other time- practically tackled Vio with the force of his enthusiastic hug. Vaati took offence, and set about beating Shadow into a pulp. Shadow gave as good as he got, until campus police came and separated them.

Vio left the school that day, and completed his transfer paperwork within the week.

_Shadow has been protective of me ever since,_ he says. _I should have never let him get away with it._

He saw you for the first time the same day you saw him- packed into a crowded train, surrounded by strangers. He'd envied you your calm, the way you seemed completely unfazed by the noises of the subway or the press of people around you. Seeing you around campus, realizing that you were in most of his classes, was just an added bonus. The day you asked him to coffee he had almost said no.

_But you were so different from Vaati,_ he says. _So eager to please, instead of being pleased._

Shadow was blisteringly jealous from the moment Vio told him about you, to the extent of giving him the silent treatment for a day when he'd gone home for Thanksgiving break. He'd thawed soon enough, though he never regarded tales of you with more than cursory interest. Vio had had no idea about the breadth of the antagonism Shadow had held for you, though, until the day you walked out of his apartment in tears.

Vio had yelled at Shadow for the first time in years, cowing Shadow into explaining just what it was he'd done- Shadow had professed innocence but quickly broke down, and Vio had ordered him out as well. Within the next few days he'd drawn up a list of behaviors that would now be labelled as completely off-limits if Shadow wanted to continue their friendship. Shadow grudgingly agreed to them.

_To be fair, he was only doing what he had been doing for years, _he says. _I should have recognized the fact that with you in my life, the actions were no longer necessary, nor even appropriate._

He had tried to call you, but you never answered your phone. You never answered your email, or any messages he sent you. (Probably because your phone's been turned off since early June. Or was it late May?) He finally resorted to getting in contact with your sister, and between the two of them they hand planned his venture here, to say his apology in person.

_I hurt you a great deal, and I am so sorry,_ he says.

_You are one of, if not the single best thing to happen to me in my life_.

_Will you ever be able to forgive me?_

You don't know.

You'd like to try, though.

In answer you tug him closer gently by his collar, close your eyes, kiss his forehead, then draw him into a hug. He hugs you back, and his arms shake.

When he lets go you draw back. It's horribly stuffy in the lofted area, and even shirtless you still have beads of sweat forming at the nape of your neck. Vio cracks the window, and the noise of the storm outside increases exponentially- you don't think it's going to be lessening anytime soon.

You help Vio down, tossing down about half the blankets for him to give to Blue and Red. You spread the other half around the lofted area, layering them to create a little bit of cushion. You spread them more thickly over the half of the area you'll offer to Vio- you're used to hard surfaces, you don't really mind.

From the loft you see him hand the blankets over. His mouth moves- you can't tell what he's saying, but Blue points him off to one of the water spigots. He drinks, splashes water on his face and across his neck, drinks some more, then starts heading back. He stops to grab what food is left- Red waves it all towards him with a smile.

Thunder cracks again. The lights in the barn flicker the slightest bit. Vio looks up apprehensively, but Blue says something that clearly amuses him and he heads back your way. You lean down far enough to take the food from him, setting it carefully out of the way, and haul him back up again.

"Here," he says, offering you the bag of trail mix. "You must be hungry, I saw you only take that one pack of crackers." You shake your head but your stomach betrays you, rumbling into life. Vio snorts and shoves it into your hands. "Eat," he insists. "At least half of it."

You do. It sits heavily in your stomach and you lean back against the floor with a groan. You're so tired, you realize- the events of today have just left you physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted.

A ridiculously bright flash of lightning throws everything into stark relief for the shortest of moments, followed by the loudest boom of thunder you think you've ever heard. The lights flicker violently and cut, leaving the barn shrouded in darkness, and even over the wind and rain you can hear Blue swearing. You heave yourself up long enough to push the window shut once more- the storm is worsening, it sounds like, and being uncomfortable is an easy enough price to pay for continuing to stay dry.

Before you can settle back down you hear Vio doing something behind you. You turn, and the next flash of lightning illuminates him dragging the two separate piles of blankets closer together. You can feel your cheeks beginning to heat.

It's pitch dark. You crouch, trailing your fingertips along the floor in front of you so you don't accidentally walk off the ledge and break your neck. When you reach Vio's leg you tug on his pants. "Don't just walk around," you warn him. "Edges." He immediately sinks to his knees, your hand ending up on his shoulder.

Without a word he kisses you, slow and sweet. You freeze in surprise. He laces the fingers of his left hand into your right, leaning up into you. It must be uncomfortable- you bring your left hand up to steady him, and he leans into you more, unbalancing you. You tumble backwards into the blankets, Vio landing on your chest, and the both of you burst into quiet chuckles.

He kisses you again while you're still laughing. You can feel his lips still curved into a smile, his body setting more fully on top of you until he's stretched out along your whole length. He deepens the kiss, and you're not laughing anymore, this is something serious. He trails kisses across your face, your jaw, your neck and shoulders, his hands coming up to rest at your face before slowly moving downwards.

He touches you and oh, you'd never thought that someone else's hands could make such a difference. Every square inch of skin is oversensitive. His fingertips trail across your neck, along your shoulder, down your arm to your palm and back up again. They linger along your collarbone, the hollows of your neck, trail slowly down your chest.

You suck in a breath, hold it.

He spreads his hands along your ribcage, strokes down your sides, across your stomach. You shudder, exhale, inhale, hold it. He travels back upwards, no pressure but his fingertips once more. He brushes over your nipple with just the corner of his pinky and what has never before been an erogenous zone now sets your skin aflame.

Exhale.

Inhale.

Hold it.

His palms slide down to your hips, coaxing them upwards. You prop yourself on elbows and heels while he undoes your belt, slides it free of its loops, folds it and places it aside. Coaxes your still-soaked pants down your hips, your thighs, calves, pulls them free, stands just long enough to hang them from a nearby nail, kneels and places a hand on your stomach, pushes you back down. You're shaking.

Exhale.

Inhale.

Hold it.

You can't see him in the darkness but you hear him- the soft susurrus of damp cloth pulling free from damp skin, the toothy metal _zzzrp_ of a zipper, the crunch of hay underfoot as he moves, hanging his own clothes to hopefully dry in the night.

He touches you again, with purpose this time- fingertips travelling back and forth across your hipbones, centimeters above the elastic band of your boxers, then upwards across your chest, brushing against you again. Back and forth, until you're quivering non-stop, unable to suppress the tiny jolts of your hips every time his fingers trail downwards once more.

Exhale.

Inhale.

Hold it.

Until finally, he doesn't stop. His fingers trail over the elastic band, stroke the fabric briefly, and then-

_Oh._

He touches you. Tentatively, until your careful-held breath hisses out between your teeth in a whine and you cant your hips upward pleadingly. Harder, then, with purpose, and you press your head _hard_ into the floor beneath you as your hips buck up to meet him again.

He paces you, soothes you as he sets you afire, brings you to the edge and dangles you there for an eternity.

He takes you apart, strings you out piece by piece until there's almost nothing left, until you're gasping his name, choking out a constant litany of "please, please, _let me-"_

He is merciful. He lets you.

You shatter.

When you come back to yourself the rain has slackened almost completely, little more than a gentle pat-a-pat against the barn's tin roof. You're still panting, zings of pleasure still lighting up your nerves, and you can't stop trembling.

Your face is wet. You can't tell if it's from sweat or tears. The way your eyes burn make you suspect the latter, and if your muscles didn't feel like a pile of well-cooked spaghetti you would cringe.

Vio's fingertips trace along your chest, from collarbone to bellybutton and back again. You lift one hand to grab his, oh-so-stealthily swiping your other forearm across your eyes. He hums and laces your fingers together, giving your hand a gentle squeeze.

It's a few more moments before you're coherent enough to do more than lay there like a damp sack of flour, but eventually you're able to reach up and tug Vio closer. He moves willingly, straddling you, and you can feel him hot and eager against your stomach. You reach for his face in the darkness, the angles of his jaw and the juts of his cheekbones achingly familiar against your fingers. He leans down to kiss you, pants into your mouth as you slip a hand between your bodies.

He's nearly silent. You keep a hand on his face, feel the curve of his lips forming into an 'o' as you work him, reveling in each quiet noise you're able to wring from him. The shudder he makes when he finishes is exquisite; you vow to keep the tiny cry that slips out locked in your memory forever.

"I love you," he whispers hoarsely into your ear, pressing two fingers to your lips to keep you in silence when you open your mouth to reply. You nip them instead, running your tongue against the soft pads, and waggle your eyebrows even though you know he can't see. The startled noise he lets out makes heat pool in your stomach, but you're spent and so is he, and you both know it.

He smooshes his palm into your face. You drag your tongue up it obnoxiously, and he wipes it into your hair with a snort.

He falls asleep against your chest. It's almost uncomfortably warm but you wouldn't move for the world.

You're not fixed, not even close. But you're not broken anymore, either.

You sleep more deeply than you have in months.


	5. Epilogue

**EPILOGUE: FALL**

* * *

**Day 365**

You sit beside him on the subway.

The students surrounding you are free and easy with their laughter, happy chatter almost obscuring the mechanical screeching of the train. You read his magazine over his shoulder- it's not very interesting, but you forgot your phone in the apartment the two of you are renting together this year, and you have nothing else to do. The angle and the crowding around you make it so you have to practically sprawl across him to see, your arm warm along his shoulders. He snugs himself more tightly into the crook of your body as the train rounds a bend, and you drop a kiss into his hair.

When your stop comes you stand, holding out a hand to help him from his seat. He takes it, laces your fingers together, smiles. The autumn sunlight gilds his hair, limning it until it looks like a halo. He tucks his arm through yours. The air is brisk, the wind carrying just the barest hint of winter chill.

Shadow joins you for a while as you walk, keeping a distance so studious it's almost mocking. Vio punches him good-naturedly, tugs him closer, and the three of you walk arm in arm, taking up most of the sidewalk and snickering like schoolchildren. He drops a kiss on Vio's forehead when he comes to an intersection, his eyes on you the entire time. You let go of Vio long enough to run him down, tripping him into the nearest stretch of grass and delivering the harshest knuckle-noogie you can. He laughs, unable to fight you away, and you hear Vio join in at the point when you start ripping up handfuls of grass and shoving them down Shadow's collar.

He manages to flip you, turns the tables and does the same to you. Your face is pressed into the earth. Vio comes over and you wave a hand for help. Instead he plops himself onto your back, digging his fingers into your armpits and ribs.

You don't care how many people are looking. You're happy, and you mean to stay that way.

Vio finally lets you up, brushing dirt and blades of grass from your hoodie and pants. You return the favor, waving goodbye to Shadow when he leaves. You grab dinner from a café to bring home, Vio stationing himself on the couch with a book nearly as soon as you've eaten.

You tolerate this for roughly twenty minutes before you decide enough is enough.

"Viiioooo," you whine as you lean over the back of the couch, mushing your face against his hair. "Pay attention to meeee."

He heaves out a huge sigh and closes his book with a sharp _thwap_, but his eyes are warm as he cranes his neck around and kisses your cheek. "You are obnoxious," he murmurs with humor in his voice. "Like a barely-trained puppy." He kisses you again, full on the mouth this time. "About as cute as one, too," he adds.

"Aw, Vi, I knew you cared," you simper, batting your eyelashes at him as you heft yourself over the back of the couch, sliding down until your head rests in Vio's lap. "I'm sure I can be much more interesting than that book, though," you say, waggling your eyebrows outrageously until Vio dissolves into chuckles.

"You are incorrigible, you know," he says between fits of laughter, his hands smoothing your hair back from your eyes.

"You love me for it," you point out, and everything inside of you thrills when he answers,

"I do."

_"How about love?_

_Measure in love,_

_Seasons of love…"_

**_end._**


End file.
